He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
