i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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