she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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