i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
