You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
