You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
