"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
