So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
