The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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