dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize