quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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