I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
