Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
