i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
