No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
