YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I love you.
Bad choice
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
