Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
