i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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