you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
