All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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