So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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