a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
