I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
