how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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