she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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