trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
