You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
