I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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