RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
