it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
