At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
