I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
