How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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