never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
