What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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