you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
