dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
