I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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