I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
