She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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