the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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