dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
