I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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