This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
