okay pat passed out under dana's car
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
This is my gift to your gina
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
