I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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