three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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