I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize