just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
