I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
