are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
