why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
