oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize