Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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