Fine. I'll sleep in my office
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
