You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
