Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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