the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
