I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
