do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
