Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize