i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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