It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
