you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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