I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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