first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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