When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
