Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
