That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
