operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
