Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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