Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I love having hate sex.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
