Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Too much gin, very little bucket
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
