I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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