guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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