dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
