I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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