i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
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