just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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