I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
