U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
